Thursday, February 28, 2013

The Great Girl Scout Heist of 2013

a day that will live in infamy

image via Jezebel
Today in bat shit crazy news, it was revealed that nearly $19,000 worth (yes you read that correctly) of Girl Scout cookies went missing in Spartanburg, SC yesterday-just a hop, skip, and stone's throw away from Greenville.  Apparently, over the past two weeks, about 450 cases of Girl Scout cookies went missing from Carey Moving & Storage.  For those of you who don't know, that's 5,400 boxes and, at around 23 cookies per box, about 124,200 cookies.  The missing cookies were only discovered after an initial delivery and subsequent inventory check.  After much debate at work, I have come to the conclusion that only a criminal master mind could have devised and executed such a plan.  I am thoroughly convinced, by my own greed and no real facts, that these cookies would go for at least double their face value out of season.  However, this heist does raise a few very interesting questions, such as:

How does one not notice FIVE THOUSAND boxes of Girl Scout Cookies are missing?

How many boxes did they have to begin with?

After 40 years, did these storage people finally give in to the sweet, sweet temptation?

For the love of God, why did the thieves leave the Samoa's and take the short bread cookies?!*

Where are they unloading this product? Is there a baked goods black market I don't know about? Craigslist? Ebay? How do I get some?

How does one even transport 124,200 cookies? Did they just hook up a POD to their pick up and drive off into the sunset?

How many times did these people watch Ocean's 11?

and finally,

Who the fuck would steal from the Girl Scouts?!




*This leads me to believe these criminals may not in fact be masterminds.

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